There have always been a time where I thought I was never going to be happy again . Now I know otherwise . I've been hurt . I've been in pain . And its all because of trying to find someone who'll love me . Now I know that you never know who'll love you truly or who you'll love truly . These things are decided by the other person . I've been single for over six months now and its the longest I've ever been single since I started dating . There were a few guys that I thought were "good" but it turned out I was wrong . Some of which played me , and some of which I played . So I guess on that level , we're even . My ex has still been bothering me . Its not enjoyable ; as a matter of fact , hes a nuisance . I find myself being bothered by him almost every day , one way or another . There are times when I'd dream about his arms around me , but when I wake up , I have to slap myself for even having such a dream . He never appreciated me , therefore why should I even give the thought of him holding me , a chance to appear in my mind again ? A part of me wants a serious relationship again . To have that feeling of comfort and protection from a guy who is willing to protect me and make me feel like I'm something worth it . But then I just got out of a serious relationship of 2 years and 3 months , and I guess a part of me isn't ready for it . I'm personally not ready to start all over again . And above all , to be honest , I'm having fun . I haven't had this much fun in over a year . I was never taken out or cared about to an extent of which someone calls me everyday and talks to me everyday . Its been so long since I been on a DATE . And it feels refreshing to go out and do whatever and not care if there happens to be an argument . I despise arguing with anyone . Its time consuming , and it doesn't get anywhere if no one wants to try and fix the problem . I prefer to be more aware of a situation but nowadays , it seems like everything I'm doing is in a fog . I cant see much . But what I can see , isn't all that clear to begin with . Decisions that I've made are possibly on impulse . But those decisions have made my life more worthwhile . I'm living my teenage years - going out , having fun , spending nights just hanging out with friends . I was deprived as a child , and I'm not going to deprive myself of my teenage life . I have more years to come to be responsible and to be more mature than I already am . I don't have time for immaturity from this guy of which I thought I loved . I don't need to be reminded everyday about what we had . Or what we would've had . To be truly honest , WE were never meant to be . No matter what was said in the relationship , there wont be "Always&Forever" anymore . Because it was never true to begin with . You were too focused on having fun , while I was too focused on making you happy . I'm over that . And this time , you need to butt out of my business . What I do in my life now , is none of your concern . Go back to focusing on having fun . Stop trying to prove to me that you deserve me , because everyone knows that I deserve much better than you . I deserve someone who'll return the care and love that I give . Someone who'll actually appreciate the things I do for them . And that person , is definitely not you . So much distress within my life and its hard to control . Especially when I don't have someone to help me . I guess sometimes , my life is like a drama that you see online or on TV . And sometimes I wish there was a drama that is like my life so I can see whats going on in everyone's minds ; so I can see their point of view on everything . It'd be nice to know what you're thinking about when I'm with you , or when I'm not with you . It'd be nice to know what you think OF me . I wish there were a remote for my life . So I can rewind and fast forward or pause on anything . If I could rewind my life , I'd make some decisions , see how it goes and if it goes bad , I'd rewind . If I don't want to deal with a certain problem , I'd fast forward and skip it . I'd pause on all my life's happy moments . What I've realized within the past few months , is that life isn't all over relationships and finding love . There's times to be responsible and to have fun , to just enjoy life the way it is . "Live life with no regrets . " I believe that if I were to regret anything , then I didnt live my life to its full extent . Of course there are mistakes that I made that I wish I didn't make but thats just life and there will always be mistakes . Its just how a person deals with them , that classifies whether or not they're living a life of solitude . As for myself , I learn from the mistakes I made in my life . And I will continue to do so . Although at some points , I cant help but make a mistake , but its just one bump in the road that I can surpass . "When life gives you lemons , suck it ! " HAHA ! ~ Fefe (:
| 
